How to Teach Emotional Awareness to Children
Have you ever worried when your child laughs after they hurt you or another child? Or been shocked when they suddenly hit their sibling, apparently out of the blue? Emotional awareness enables us to understand our inner experiences, as well as the inner experiences of those around us.
Children learn through emotions, which also guide their play activities and relationship development. Young children lack the ability to express their emotions through words because emotions exist as a human-made concept to explain internal processes. That's something they learn over time, with our help.
Emotional awareness isn’t just a “nice-to-have” skill. It’s a key part of how children connect with others and deal with life’s ups and downs. In this post, we're going to look at what science tells us about how children's emotional worlds develop, and more importantly, how you can guide your child through this process.
Why Emotional Awareness is Important in Early Childhood
The link between emotional awareness and brain development
During this time, your child's early years are critical for brain development. The emotional centers of your child's brain are developing rapidly during this stage. Harvard University's Center on the Developing Child found that responsive, emotionally supportive interactions between you and your child directly influence how these neural circuits develop.
Teaching our kids to name and process emotions helps their brains grow in healthy ways. This promotes important skills such as planning, attention, and self-control.
How does emotional awareness impact a child’s social skills?
When kids learn to understand their own emotions and other’s emotions, they’re much more likely to get along well with people. When children develop emotional intelligence, it helps them form friendships, play cooperatively, and handle disagreements without acting out or shutting down.
Children who are able to say what they're feeling (“I’m feeling upset,” “I’m feeling nervous,” “I’m feeling excited”) help others to understand their experience. It also helps them to understand the experience of others. This makes it easier for them to share, wait their turn, and work through problems with their peers. When kids don’t understand how emotions work—either their own or someone else’s—they may act out, become withdrawn, or struggle to make and keep friends.
Other important things that affect how kids develop these skills include:
Temperament (how they’re naturally wired to respond to the world),
How well they understand that others can feel differently than they do, which develops with age,
Neurodivergence, such as Autism, which can affect how well we can perceive others’ emotions, and
Their language development, which helps them talk about their feelings.
Even though some kids are naturally more shy or get frustrated more easily, parents can still make a big difference in children’s ability to understand their own and others’ emotions.
What Are the Long-Term Benefits of Emotional Intelligence?
Here are three long-term benefits of emotional intelligence:
Benefit of emotional intelligence #1: Develop and sustain social relationships
Emotional intelligence is key to building and keeping good relationships. When we understand our own emotions and recognize emotions in others, it's easier to handle social situations and get along with people.
This directly impacts our social relationships in many ways:
Better communication: Emotionally intelligent people are better at saying what they feel and need. They’re also more effective at really listening to others. They are better able to read both verbal and non-verbal cues, picking up on subtle signals that others might miss. This reduces misunderstandings and creates space for more meaningful conversations.
Conflict resolution: When people disagree, those with emotional intelligence are better able to stay calm and try to see the other person’s point of view. They don’t make the problem bigger, and de-escalate the conflict by working to find a solution that helps everyone.
Deeper connections: Understanding emotions helps us connect with others. When we acknowledge someone’s feelings and show that it matters to us too, we can form stronger bonds with them.
Trust building: Emotional intelligence helps us be consistent, reliable, and honest in our interactions. These qualities form the foundation of trust in relationships.
Social awareness: People with strong emotional intelligence know how to act in different social situations. They understand the rules of social behavior and can adjust how they act to make others feel comfortable and respected. Developing emotional intelligence isn’t just about improving ourselves. It also helps us connect better with everyone around us.
Benefit of emotional intelligence #2: Academic achievement
Emotional intelligence doesn't just shape our social world. It also plays a surprisingly significant role in academic success. Research shows that students with stronger emotional skills often perform better in school.
They typically demonstrate the following:
Better focus and attention: They can regulate emotions that might otherwise distract them from learning, helping them stay engaged during lessons and study sessions.
Reduced procrastination: Academic pressures can trigger stress, which can lead to procrastination as a way to avoid uncomfortable emotions. Emotionally intelligent students recognize these feelings early and develop strategies to cope.
Enhanced problem-solving: When faced with challenging academic material, these students manage frustration better. They’re better at handling frustration and can push through challenges.
Better relationships with teachers and peers: Students who understand emotions get along better with others. This can help them build a more supportive learning environment.
Benefit of emotional intelligence #3: Better physical and mental health
Emotional intelligence doesn't just influence our relationships and academic success. It also has profound connections to both our physical and mental well-being. Research has shown that the ability to understand and manage emotions plays an important role in health outcomes.
Here are some of its health benefits:
Mental health
Reduced anxiety and depression: People with higher emotional intelligence can identify negative emotions earlier and have more effective coping strategies.
Greater resilience: Emotionally intelligent individuals recover more quickly from setbacks and challenges. They're more likely to seek support when needed and use adaptive coping mechanisms rather than turning to harmful behaviors.
Better stress management: They can recognize when they’re stressed and stay calm under pressure. This may help to protect their mental health and reduce the risk of long-term stress-related issues.
Physical health
Better immune function: Chronic negative emotions and stress can suppress immune function. Those who manage emotions effectively tend to have stronger immune systems.
Healthier behaviors: Emotionally intelligent people are more likely to engage in self-care. This can be in the form of exercise, proper nutrition, adequate sleep, and avoiding harmful substances.
Improved cardiovascular health: People who feel more positive emotions, like joy and gratitude, often have healthier hearts and lower risk of heart problems over time.
Emotional intelligence helps us in many ways—not just in making friends, but also in having healthy minds and bodies.
What Are the Emotional Development Milestones?
When we understand how children grow emotionally, we can support them more effectively. Milestones can be somewhat helpful in understanding how children develop, although we should be cautious about considering these to be hard lines. Many children struggle with emotion regulation, especially when they’re tired and/or hungry. Use developmental milestones as a guide rather than hard lines that will be crossed at a particular point in your child’s life.
Here’s a brief overview of the emotional development milestones in early childhood:
Emotional developmental milestone of infants (0-12 months)
Even before your baby can speak, they already communicate emotions through crying, facial expressions, and body language.
Research shows that around 6 months, babies begin recognizing emotional expressions. This emotional recognition is important for social referencing—the process where babies look at their parents' facial expressions to make sense of uncertain situations.
When you comfort your crying baby or smile while playing, you’re showing them their feelings are important and that others will respond to them. This helps build secure attachment which is linked to healthy emotional development.
Emotional development milestone of toddlers (1-3 Years)
As language develops, your toddler begins naming emotions. "Happy," "sad," and "mad" usually appear around age 2. During this stage, they also begin to imitate their surroundings and start displaying early signs of empathy and self-conscious emotions. They may appear upset when others cry or show self-conscious reactions when receiving adult feedback about their behavior.
At this stage, toddlers become more independent and show their own unique personalities. They enjoy pretend play and play next to other kids, but not always with them. They also start learning how to control their emotions in social situations - but their ability to do this very much varies with their capacity at a particular time. If they feel tired or stressed, their ability to control their emotions will be much less than when they’re better resourced. Just because you’ve seen your child restrain themselves from hitting another child on one day doesn’t mean they’ll be able to do it on another, when they’ve had a difficult day.
Emotional development milestone of preschoolers (3-5 Years)
By preschool, they begin to talk about more complex feelings and begin to understand that people can feel different emotions. They might say they feel “embarrassed” or “proud” and start to comfort friends who are hurt or sad. While they may show guilt, they don’t fully understand why someone else might feel guilty yet.
As their emotional awareness grows, children also start to experiment with managing their feelings but this process is far from smooth. You might see them trying to hide frustration, laugh when they're nervous, or claim they're "not sad" even when tears are streaming down their face. These are signs that they’re beginning to notice their internal experiences, even if they don’t yet have the skills to regulate them effectively. This is where adult guidance becomes crucial: helping them name their emotions, make sense of them, and find safe ways to express what’s going on inside.
Knowing the stages of emotional development gives us a helpful guide, but just knowing the steps isn’t enough. Each child will go through the stages at their own pace, so your child may be ‘ahead’ or ‘behind’ these milestones. What a child should be able to do is what the child in front of you is actually doing. They are already doing the best they can with the tools they have. That said, there are some strategies we can use to support them in developing their emotional awareness, and their emotion regulation skills.
How Does Neurodivergence Impact Children’s Emotional Development?
Neurodivergent children—including those with ADHD, autism, sensory processing differences, or learning differences—may experience and express emotions differently than neurotypical children. Their brains process sensory information, social cues, and emotional regulation in unique ways that require tailored support.
Sensory Processing and Emotions
Many neurodivergent children have heightened or reduced sensitivity to sensory input, which directly affects their emotional experiences. A child with sensory processing differences might become overwhelmed by the texture of clothing, leading to what looks like a tantrum but is actually sensory distress. Understanding these connections helps parents respond with compassion rather than frustration.
Executive Function Challenges
Children with ADHD or autism often struggle with executive function skills, making it harder to identify, process, and regulate emotions. They might have intense emotional reactions that seem disproportionate to the situation, not because they're being dramatic, but because their brain's emotional regulation system works differently.
Communication Differences
Some neurodivergent children may struggle to verbalize their emotions or may express them through behavior rather than words. A child who seems defiant might actually be communicating anxiety or confusion. Creating alternative ways to express emotions through pictures, movement, or sensory tools can be helpful to parents and children (as long as the child has the option to not participate if they prefer).
How to Help Children Identify Emotions
Here are 3 strategies you can use to help children identify their emotions:
Identifying emotion strategy #1: Beginning to recognize emotions through facial expressions
Emotion recognition is often the first step in emotional awareness. It involves noticing that an emotional response is happening.
Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett’s work tells us that it can be difficult to recognize emotions from an arrangement of our facial features. Different people’s faces look different when they’re expressing the same emotion, and each of us also uses expressions differently. Sometimes when I purse my lips I’m feeling frustrated, and other times I’m feeling angry: how could another person possibly know which one I’m feeling if I don’t tell them?!
We also see that relying on facial expressions gets us in trouble when our children laugh after they hit us. We interpret that laughter as ‘fun/enjoyment,’ but actually it can often mean ‘ashamed.’
Rather than teaching children that specific facial expressions are linked to specific emotions, we can teach them to notice that a person seems to be experiencing an emotion, and helping them to wonder or ask the other person what’s happening by doing things like:
Pointing out facial expressions in books: "Look, that character is smiling! How do you think they’re feeling now their cake is finished?”
Observing facial expressions in people: “Liam is crying. I’m wondering what’s going on for him. Should we check?”
Playing games where you act out different emotions, like the ones that come with the Grok card games.
Identifying emotion strategy #2: Connecting emotions to body sensations
Emotions aren't just experienced in our faces - they live in our bodies too. We can teach children to notice how emotions show up in their bodies:
How their heart might race when they're excited or scared
The way their shoulders might tense when they're angry
The heaviness they might feel in their stomach when they're worried
The lightness they might feel in their chest when they're happy
You can start by observing what you see: “I’m noticing that your shoulders are up high and your fists are clenched and I’m wondering if you’re feeling angry?”
Identifying emotion strategy #3: Build an emotion vocabulary
Many children default to simple terms like "good" or "bad" to describe how they're feeling. Expand their emotional vocabulary by:
Introducing new emotion words during daily conversations.
Labeling your own emotions precisely: "I'm feeling frustrated because the computer isn't working" rather than just "Ugh!” (or yelling at the child later).
Use a feelings list that helps children identify emotions they experience when their needs are met and when they're unmet (multiple languages and printable options available!)
Noticing emotions in children’s books: you don’t have to buy any special books for this. Just use any story you’re reading, and when you get to a turning point in the plot, ask: “I wonder how that character is feeling right now? What do you think?” If your child makes a basic happy/sad/mad guess, try using another word to expand on it: “I think the character might be feeling happy - or maybe even elated, which means really really happy!”
Playing emotion games: Make learning about emotions more fun by playing emotion charades or matching games where kids have to pair facial expression with emotion words.
Daily check-ins: Make it a habit to ask "How are you feeling right now?" during transition times like after school or before bedtime.
After kids learn to name their feelings, the next step is teaching them awareness of why they feel that way. While identification answers "What am I feeling?" emotional awareness addresses the crucial "Why am I feeling this way?" question that helps emotions make sense.
By developing emotional awareness, kids can go from saying "I'm mad!" to "I'm feeling mad because I wanted to pour my own milk and you did it for me." This shift from labeling to emotional awareness is where emotional intelligence develops.
6 Strategies in Teaching Emotional Awareness to Children
Here are 6 ways on how to teach emotional awareness:
Emotional awareness strategy #1: Teaching the cause-and-effect relationship
Help children connect events to their emotional responses:
"Are you feeling disappointed because we had to cancel the beach trip?"
"I see you jumping up and down - are you feeling proud right now? You worked hard on your drawing."
Simple cause-and-effect talks help children understand that emotions happen for a reason, not just out of nowhere. (Note: this is a key lesson for parents to learn as well!) Notice that the observations are phrased as questions, not statements. We can never be sure how another person is feeling unless they tell us. They may communicate this non-verbally, using a nod or a grunt.
It’s important not to make a child responsible for your own feelings. “You yelled, and now I feel angry” isn’t what we’re going for here.
Emotional awareness strategy #2: Validating children’s emotions
Validating children’s emotions is a critical strategy for parents; my conversation with Dr. Caroline Fleck shows you exactly how to do it effectively using the Validation Ladder:
Be present: Give your child your full attention without waiting for your turn to speak or planning what you'll say next
Accurately reflect: "What I'm hearing is that you feel frustrated because your tower keeps falling down. Is that right?"
Contextualize or equalize: "Given that you've been working on this for a long time, it makes sense you'd feel upset when it doesn't work" (contextualize) or "Building with blocks can be really tricky. I get frustrated with puzzles sometimes too" (equalize)
Make a proposal: "I'm wondering if you felt that mix of disappointment and anger when the blocks fell?"
Express true empathy: Share genuine reactions to what they're experiencing ("That sounds really frustrating!")
Take action: Consider what you will do differently to support your child ("I'm wondering if you felt more frustrated because we were rushing to clean up. Maybe next time I can give you a longer warning before dinner time?")
Emotional awareness strategy #3: Use “I’m feeling…”
Instead of the sentence construct: “Are you upset?”, instead try using “Are you feeling upset?”. Kids often think that their feelings last a really long time. One time after my daughter had calmed down from an episode of anger, I asked her: “How long do you think you felt angry?”
She thought she had been angry for hours - actually it was more like 10 minutes. Using “I feel tired” and “Do you feel frustrated?” helps children to see that feelings come and go; they aren’t permanent states. If they just wait a few minutes, a new feeling will come along.
Emotional awareness strategy #4: Expanding your emotion vocabulary
Move beyond basic emotion words as children grow. Help them develop more nuanced emotion words:
Instead of just "happy": content, joyful, pleased, delighted, grateful
Instead of just "sad": disappointed, lonely, discouraged, heartbroken
Instead of just "angry": frustrated, irritated, annoyed, furious
Modeling is a great way to grow this vocabulary. For example: “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed today because we have so many errands to run. That means I have a lot on my mind.”
Print a feelings list and refer to it when a more nuanced word would be helpful.
Emotional awareness strategy #5: Creating an emotion-friendly home environment
The best way to help children develop emotional awareness is to create a safe space where they feel okay sharing any feeling. This means:
Avoid brushing off their emotions with phrases like “You're OK” or “It’s not a big deal.”
Modeling healthy emotion identification and expression yourself
Taking time to listen and validate emotional experiences
Offering comfort and support during difficult emotions without rushing to fix the problem
Emotional awareness strategy #6: Meeting your child’s needs
Our emotions are the body and brain’s response to whether our needs are met. When children engage in difficult behaviors, it’s always an attempt to meet a need.
If a child melts down after daycare, they may not be "misbehaving". They might just need comfort, food, or quiet time.
Meeting those needs helps the emotion settle and teaches them that feelings are manageable. That’s why it’s important for parents to know what their kid’s needs might be.
When a child’s needs are consistently met, they develop a sense of emotional security. This secure foundation allows them to explore emotions without fear, because they trust that someone will be there to help them through it.
Ready to Transform Your Daily Struggles Into Cooperation?
Parenting often feels like going through an unpredictable storm. One minute everything is calm, the next you're facing a tidal wave of yelling, refusal, or sudden outbursts. You’re doing your best to stay patient, but the constant power struggles and emotional chaos can leave you drained and unsure of what your child really needs. The truth is, behind most challenging behavior is a child overwhelmed by emotions they don’t yet know how to manage and a parent desperate for tools that actually work.
The challenging behaviors you're seeing - the morning battles, mealtime fights, and bedtime struggles - aren't signs of a "difficult" child. They're your child's way of communicating unmet needs when they don't have the emotional vocabulary or regulation skills to do it differently.
It can be tempting to teach them to stop expressing their big feelings, especially when these come out as hitting and hurting others. It is important to know how to set limits on children’s behavior. But there are much more effective tools we can use to support them in regulating their emotions and creating the calm home environment we so desperately want. The Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop will help you make a big shift in the emotional climate of your home in just a few days.
Parent Lucy shared: “I feel significantly more confident as a parent: more calm and centered. I have more empathy and patience for my children for sure. I've noticed that both of my children are genuinely more at ease as well.”
Ready to move from daily battles to genuine cooperation? The Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is available right now - you don’t have to wait to make the changes you want to see!
Final Thoughts
Helping your child develop their emotional awareness and gain emotional intelligence is one of the most powerful things you can do as a parent. By recognizing emotional milestones, supporting your child in identifying and being aware of emotions, you're helping them build emotional intelligence that will benefit them throughout their life.
What strategy will you try first with your child today?
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